Technically possible but impossible

I used to have this list of things that are known as "Technically possible but practically impossible" (confusing much?) to the extent that I wanted to make it into a blog post, like just now. Maybe because I didn't write it down, that's why I can't remember most of them except things like "Joking around with Leonardo Dicaprio" or "Being best friends with the person you admire a lot" etc. 

But on second thought, I wondered some of these things, indeed, needed some help from Lady Luck. Since it's technically possible, how is it impossible. Yeah probably it's the factor of fate, luck and destiny you might say. But it IS possible right?

Last weekend I attended this soft skill programme called "Take Charge!" It pretty much teaches you about confidence, how you should take charge of your own destiny. Generally I'm on the same side as the facilitator, except for the fact he doesn't believe at luck at all. Every moment is a choice. Every choice is MY choice. This is one of the many things he wants us to keep in mind. I don't deny it does help though when you pause for a moment and think carefully at everything you choose. From "where should I go for dinner" to "which route should I take to reach my destination at the shortest time" or "what can I do to get that person's attention", it is all a choice. Even when someone suggested what about an traffic accident, apparently it's our own choice to be at that place that moment. We chose to be there at that time.

Nonetheless, other than things like human flying or living underwater, I guess meeting Leonardo Dicaprio is still something possible. Sounds unrealistic and this is where luck plays its part. Luck is a thing that makes unrealistic things possible. Luck can't help you grow wings to fly, but with a little bit of luck and more of our own choices we could get into a spaceship and go outer space right? Luck doesn't give you ability to play magic and show up in front of Leonardo in a split second, but it does give you the opportunity to meet him if the choices are right, right?

Haze

Days ago my father called me for god knows how many times just to express his concern on the recent terrible haze that's sweeping the whole penisular like some kind of lethal virus. Haze is a regular visitor of the south penisular of Malaysia and it certainly didn't surprise me much this time. Besides, last week it was clear blue sky with the summer wind here in Kampar. It was never my concern around here until yesterday night.

I say before it made me asthmatic, I succumbed to the paranoia of surviving under such condition without any air filter or air conditioner at home while I'm sleeping. I cannot picture myself getting an asthma attack in the midst of having my mid term exams! True the PSI here still seem healthy but this is just the first day! The trend for this haze in the other places south last week was accelerating fast. No, it was leaping. It can go from 170/180 till 300/400 by tomorrow. There's no where for me to run because cancelling class doesn't seem to be ideal either since I'm only surviving under a fan, no filter, nothing. Although it has been awhile since I had my asthma but this is the first time I would be facing such terrible haze with fan and mask solely. Not to mention I still need to go outdoors and fulfill my daily needs. I don't have a car! I could only cycle or walk which obviously exposes me to the polluted dust and air. Of course, this also means that I have to dine in air-conditioned restaurants again to avoid this haze and that means higher food expenses!

I even have to debate when and how many times would be the ideal number to assure my cleaniness. I feel sticky now and I want to bathe. But if I bathe and I go out for dinner or whatsoever, I could see those dust and particles sticking on my hair and I have to sleep and live with that. Or what? I need to hold myself until I completed my daily errands and then I'll shower? Or what? wash my hair before and after?!

 

Sigh this haze and paranoia has made me losing my mind literally! It's been bugging me even in class! I can't even focus in class properly and I'm goddamn tired. Totally not in a good mood, everything just piss me off for no reason. The only thing that can satisfy me this time is making progress in my assignments or studies or tutorials. I doubt even chocolate could help much this time.

Ranting in a boring midnight

I see everybody's been posting pretty "deep" blogs recently, so am I gonna make one right now. Besides, the atmosphere is perfect right now. 2am on a Saturday midnight, everyone's back to hometown. The night is plain quiet. Not a single sound could be heard. It's like something's blocking between and all the sounds going on out there. Except for the folk radio on Myspace, the typing sound and the fan sound. 2am in my PJ and nerdy glasses in front of my lappie trying to be poetic in this silent night, what else could I ask for?

I'm bored. And I would be more than happy to declare that.

But other than this I can hardly say anything else. I know I'm busy. I know this is not good for my health. I know I have things to be accomplished and I have to accomplish it tomorrow if possible so I should be having sufficient sleep. But I'm not doing it. I'm going exactly the opposite way.

It's empty inside me. For the past 3 indescribably boring weekend, I like other time been trying to acquire as much knowledge as I could outside of my country. I saw stuff happening in New York, LA, I learnt science, anatomy and invaluable moral lessons from Bones. I learnt how to identify what's a good movie, what's a bad movie to watch. I traveled to Rome in To Rome with Love. But still, the problem is still there. I'm not applying it in any way. And yet, problems right in front of me awaiting for me to solve are still yet to be solved. They pile up.

This is exactly where my problem lies. I put the puzzles of all my dreams and desires together and I could start identifying the direction that I am heading. But I'm sort of leaving out 10 years in the middle. I want to travel and learn the little things, I wanna be part of UNICEF and help those kids when I'm financially stable. I want to have a beautiful house and a beautiful family. But yet I'm here screwing my own health with undone assignments and tutorials. Do those dots connect? It's like I'm dreaming of the day I could fly to the moon with my own wings and live there eternally. That sounds impossible right?

I'm just ranting and wasting my time. This is unhealthy. I'm out.

很好笑的事

一下了车，第一个反应就是-“天下怎么会有那么好笑的事？”

没错。天下竟然有那么不可理喻的事而且发生在我身上了。

今天一放学后就赶回家忙东西，收拾行李之类的。天气又那么热，汗流浃背都得赶因为德士司机很快就会到。

收拾行李了，便撑着伞在炎热的天气下走去朋友家。尽管行李挺重的，还是得一步一步、加快脚步走到目的地。心想，反正很快就会坐上巴士吹冷气了，现在热多一阵子也没关系。

抵达了目的地。

一边等着朋友准备，一边等着德士的到来。

德士来了。

司机的语气是急促的，急着催我们上车。他再次向我们确定共有4个人去。我傻了，没算错啊！的却是5个人去，怎么会少买一张票？难道有人另外买票？

摆乌龙不摆乌龙，巴士票也仅有4张。司机还说”这个时间全部的巴士票都卖光了，除非从怡保搭去……” 做决定的时间都不够，司机还不断地催促。那一刹那关键时刻是多么的紧逼，仿佛身处在时光机的门即将闭上的时刻，人家问你“快啊！你来还是不来？！”

当时只能选我或是另外个朋友放弃，你能想象那种“救我还是就她”那种情景。我就是那个“算了你救他吧”。当时也没想到什么……虽然心里自私点默默希望对方能说点什么，但也能谅解他也身处与我相似的情境。

也许是我装伟大，但我绝非要掏同情。这次可能倒霉了一点，但要是换做是我留下，要对方放弃，我心里也不会好受到哪里去。况且司机就这样丢下我叫我自己步行回家！换做是我那个朋友他就惨咯！他家可远多了~而且他可是司机上门载的！要他步行回去不如叫另一辆车载他回。

说教训也不对，只能说倒霉吧~下次希望会幸运一点咯 :)

stay strong. cool down. chill. You can do it.

I want to prove it to her. I can do it.

Wake up. Stand up. Stand still.

I try my best not to fall.

I'm gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay, we are all gonna be okay.

Rest In Peace.

婆婆

现在思绪很乱，不知道要做什么才对……不知道该哭还是该笑……
终于了解为什么当Jesse发现Jane卧尸在他身边时，那种震惊的感觉……

整个过程发生的太快……前个小时还在朋友家狂笑，还和朋友谈政治……

在我的房间、坐在这椅子上、对着电脑……

一个小时内婆婆忽然这样走了……

所以说人算不如天算。

昨晚睡觉的时候谁知你会隔天离开？

今早起来时怎知你晚上会离开？

刚才考试时怎知你等下会离开？

和朋友吃饭聊天时怎知我回来就会接到你离开的噩耗？

坐在这里上fb和朋友pm怎知道你在一个小时内会离开？

浑身在颤抖着。

沉浸于刚刚震惊后的余味……但考试之际又提醒自己要理智点……

望望四周似乎什么都没发生过

但想回去，婆婆真的走了。真的吗？以后再也见不到他吗？

这就是真正难以置信的处境。

想醒来回到原本的规律，却又有点舍不得这滋味。

醒来，感觉就像永远都回不来。婆婆永远都回不来了。

刚刚还在听着PSY的Gentleman。

听完噩耗想听歌又不知该听什么。

萧煌奇-阿嬤的话

整合这时候。

婆婆，原谅我平时听这首歌时妄想过你过世的时候，听这首歌的感触。

真没想过这么快就发生了……

现在正不断地重播着这首歌，好好完成这篇文章。

来这里之前，我曾担心万一病重的公公忽然离开了我却被关在学校里……

没想到如今换是健在的婆婆，上天你开的玩笑太大了……

婆婆，我想念你每天煮的晚餐……

猪肉豆腐汤、炖鸡汤、你的rendang、你的粿汁、你的cheese米粉~

想一个，哭一次。

想念你每次跟我们说“拿去吃，全部拿去吃”

现年以前每次离开前会抱你一下，会想要怎么抱才是最好的方式呢？哈哈

我现在都么想给你个拥抱啊婆婆……

对不起我还无法让你看到我出人头地的那一天……

感谢我的家人总会在人最脆弱的时候坚持地活下去。

感谢妈妈还是那么坚强~平时哭时会用很严肃的口气说“你哭什么？哭有什么用？”

今天听到他久违的哭声了，但哭不到一分钟又叫我别哭，好好读书、好好考试

感谢我那神经弟弟会嘲笑我哭，用很开朗的声音，还跟我谈论youtube videos,

让我心情平复多了~

好了，剩下的眼泪留给丧礼。

该说的我都说了婆婆。

今晚请你出现在我的梦里吧~我会很清醒地记着你每一句话。

希望你在天国和老嬤和你父母好好享受仙人的日子。

你说过曾梦见天国开着派对迎接老舅，

现在希望他们也为你开了个派对。

以后想吃什么就吃什么，也不用被公公烦到要死~

我知道你离开时是平静的，你松下的那一口气，应该是你很久就想做的事。

婆婆你累太久了，现在很高兴你能好好休息~

我想起了我们最后一次的交流：

你在我们车里讨论着我在外该怎么洗衣，该怎么洗那种有珠子的衣

刚好那时阿姨把从韩国买回来的衣服送给我……

我还甚至想五月五公公婆婆还能够投票咧！怎知大日子前几点抢先离开了

谢谢你阿嬤这十多年来的的晚饭、这么多年的照料

我很感谢上个星期有机会回去，至少我还有机会见到你~

婆婆安息吧~爱你。 下辈子有机会我还有当你的孙女 :)

萧煌奇-阿嬤的话

在細漢的時陣阮阿嬤對我尚好　甲尚好的東西攏會留乎我
伊嘛定定帶我去幼稚園看人在七桃　看人在辦公伙兒　看人在覓相找
伊定定跟阮說　叫阮著要好好仔讀冊　嘸通大漢像恁老爸仔彼呢啊狼狽ㄛ
在彼個時陣　阮攏聽攏嘸　阿嬤　妳到底是在講什麼
大漢了後　才知影阿嬤的話　我會甲永遠永遠放塊心肝底

＊想到一步一步的過去　定定攏會乎人真難忘
　時間一分一秒塊過去　在阮的心內定定攏會想到伊

＃阿嬤妳今嘛在叨位　阮在叫妳妳甘有聽到
　阮的認真甲阮的成功妳甘有看到　阮在叫妳妳知影沒
　阿嬤妳今嘛過的好麼　甘有人塊甲妳照顧
　希望後世人阮擱會凍來乎妳疼　作妳永遠的孫仔　擱叫妳一聲阿嬤

有感而发

今天众所周知是STPM成绩放榜的日子。的确跟我插不上什么关系，但我想说的是一位前任同班同学的故事。曾经，他在我班里是最顽皮的男生之一，常常参与一班，能和不认真读书、不听老师劝告、在班上睡觉的人画上等号的朋友。今天，出乎我个人的意料，他得了4.0。

这对我来说是个无比的强心剂！他、老天爷再次向我证明了；跌倒了，再爬起来，依然能够在前锋！跌倒不代表你从此就会落伍。来这里前，不知道我吃了多少白果。一次又一次的失败，让我慢慢地变成一个沮丧，自我放弃的人。好几次我都向老天爷哭诉，这是个玩笑吗？我之前不努力，成绩不好是应得；但我努力了，为什么成绩似乎都没起色？我不够努力吗？

终于，在一个小测验里，我得了80分。小测验罢了，80分罢了。没错，也许有人会这么认为，但对我来说那是个转变。它向我证明了我的付出得到了我要的回报。我不是异常，我也能像别人那样，跌倒了再站起来。

我们都以为他没可能是得到4.0的那个人，现在这个却是事实。既然他能，为什么我不能？果然‘天下无难事只怕有心人’这句谚语不仅是一年级学的谚语，长大后还真有它的用处。

Radish tales

Radish cakes, also known as turnip cakes (菜头糕) is a Chinese snack that is loved by many. It is basically made up of the mixture of grated radish, rice flour and water. Radish cakes can be served in 3 different ways. One of them would be in a squarish shape and it's white in colour. Another similar version is also white in colour but cut into smaller cubes. Closer to the latter version, the third type is also in the form of small cubes but the only difference is that it is back and the obviously it would taste different. This one are those that we used to see in night markets. This is my favourite version.

I'm not here to lecture about radish cakes or talk on its recipe. This time around I'll share a story about radish cakes. So I was in the night market buying radish cakes, and there came some guy who said "Boss, I want 3 packets, 2 chili one less chili" Then came another woman continuing after him, "Boss, I want one without egg, one lighter colour."

I secretly peeked at the boss who was sweating like hell and trying his best to fry as far as possible. I reckoned he feels annoyed but couldn't speak a word.

So I shared this story with my mum, who knew she had a better one. Apparently she saw this old man who requested for no chili, lighter colour, no egg, no fish sauce..etc. Me and my sister laugh so hard after listening.
This reminded me about another old lady who requested for something different too but the funny, yet irritating part s that he kept reminding the boss her order after someone makes their order. I understand that they are worried that the boss could be forgetful but gosh! This is just RIDICULOUS!

Seriously people, are you blind or what when you stand in front of the stall waiting for your food? Haven't these people see how the boss cooks? He fries a few packets altogether regardless of who's it is and just divide it into, the most is bigger packet or smaller packet.

How can the boss fry together when one requested for chili and the other one without chili or fish sauce? How can the boss fry together one that is normal with chili, and the other one lighter but no egg?

I guess the boss also decided to play with them and did the "usual package" rather than their "special package" and those customers just ate it like there's nothing different. Funny people.