Being Myself

First and foremost, I must say I'm very sorry to people whom I've just complain to, and thank you for listening to me, thank you people lots for making me feel so much better.

Ok, I know that problems or habits couldn't be solved in one day, but I gotta always remind myself this:

DON'T WORRY! JUST GIVE YOUR BEST TO EVERYTHING AND GET INTO THE BEST UNIVERSITY YOU CAN GET!

sometimes, to feel better, miss C actually think of the worst things that could happen and yeah~turns out that things weren't that bad either right? Just like last time during Taekwondo, I never fail to freak out every week but when that time comes, yeah~it wasn't that bad either right? unless there's more horror-making cells inside me? XD

Be yourself is a knowledge that I've obtained for a very long time but never attained, even now I dare to say, being myself is still a big lesson for me to learn. I tend to worry too much about how people think of me,

what this people think, how about that one, what does she think? Oh , I can't act like that because later she'll be thinking that I'm like this then she wouldn't befriend with me...

U KNOW WHAT?! SCREW THAT!

Screw the facebook ticker, I first thought it would be a benefit to me coz now I'll know what these people are doing and I'll follow them coz this is what they do to get closer friends~

OH SHIT! I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY DID THAT!

Life is worth more than UK, stop worrying about it, even if I screwed my CIE papers or whatever, don't ever be too worried over that ok? Don't go jump down a cliff because of that few stupid papers, they ain't nothing~

Just do what you have right now. LNAT, ok, focus on LNAT. A2 history and economics. ok, focus on those. Even if I've shitted in AS,don't bother to give a damn about it.Screw and forget it.

Those people who loves me, appreciates me won't ditch me. They will never blame me in the end. It's not a method of consoling myself, but it's just telling myself to not to be over-worried about things, it’s forgiving yourself the mistakes that I’ve made. That’s not a wrong thing to do, I also have a life and I need to treat it well. If you really evaluate everything till the very deep root of it, it's actually contradictory. That's why someone has to step back, something has to be sacrificed. Well, then would you like to sacrifice your time to work hard on the present and believe in possibilities or miracles even though you might be let down, or spend your time worrying about the past, finding the reason and blaming it all on yourself, figuring that it's all your fault and nobody would understand that, and keep thinking how could you fix it for sure when there might not even have an answer and making yourself depressed?

To those people who would like to judge me as someone not filthy rich or not a genius or not a scholar, well go ahead~I have no rights to control your mind. But remember, you're not worth even a little dust to me. I don't have to prove to you how great am I, I just need to make my life happy and satisfying and that's it. Feel free to broaden your imagination on my future~

To be honest, I have to say I'm also a person like that and I can't change it by tomorrow. I cannot guarantee when I'll totally eliminate this judgmental characteristic but I'll try.

There are certain people out there that I really admire and hope to be with them. Being with them makes me feel popular though I'm hurt by them so many times. I'm not happy with that.

and believe it or not, they managed to make me starting to be like them. Honestly, though I have a feeling that that's not me, but I still believe that I made the right choice to be realistic in order to survive in this society. Hmm...between right choice and being myself.....I think what's important is to go with something I'm comfortable with~Anyway, I believe that even by being myself, these people would still be my friends, no screwing each other or hating on each other, just friends to make up some spice in life :)

Let tomorrow be a good day, try to minimize all the things that I mentioned just now, feel good, don't hate or be jealous of other people. It's not all your fault. I'm good.

Phew, come to think of it, law will never be justified. When someone is justified, there must be other things not justified. That's where toleration should come into the picture. There's always an opportunity cost to every choice we've made.

Be strong girl! Be a brave one! Be yourself!