Goodbye no. XX

This might not be the last time I'm saying this, but I'm just gonna say goodbye. My friends told me to end this ASAP. As cliche as it may sound, it certainly speaks the truth.

Each pieces of news to me is like peeling me off layer by layer

pushing me deeper into hell

drowning me deeper into the dark sea

One shouldn't be believing into everything other people say in order to get the truth. The thing is, I trust them more than I trust you now. And I certainly feel disappointed and betrayed by you. If yo feel accused or wronged, you are more than welcome to offer me your explanation.

Whenever I (finally) get the courage to say goodbye, it closes up one layer of my wound

pulling me up closer to where I was

bring me up closer to the light

Right this should be enough for now, until the next goodbye.

Raw pieces-Pretend #nofilter

Lying on the ground

Besides breathing, no more sound

With much guilty pleasure

We enjoy putting ego before forgiveness

Repeating the same mistake again

And again this malicious cycle never ends.

I don’t want to pretend (no more)

Even if we just be friends

Talking to each other   is much better

Than staying silent instead

I’m tired of pretend…ing

Why can’t we just shake hands

And forget the past

Who says awkward will remain the truth

Who says we have to remain misunderstood

As long as someone takes the first step

It takes two to dance

But I’m here dancing with your ghost

And pretend nothing has change

Loving you is like flu

You know what’s gonna happen

You hate to face it but it’ll still come to you

Some prefer to let time work their magic

Some prefer to find a way to cure it

You are the least person I could talk to

At the same time you are the first person I want to talk to

Reality could be pain in the ass

But for you I still choose to hide the truth

I’m desperate to know what’s in your mind

But more question marks is all I could find

One foot after another I carefully make each step

But all I get is another step back

I fake a smile so you won’t see my heart wrenched

Pretend, pretend, pretend

Till tears they won’t flow again

I can only see you from far

I can only reach you like stars

So you can’t see me cry

Well, I doubt you would even ask why

More thinking will only be me putting on a show

I don’t want to

So just let me continue to pretend

Pretend I’m fine

Pretend I don’t mind

Pretend you were never on my mind

I know it won’t hurt you to but it hurts me to

Pretend like nothing ever happened.

“Whassup”

“Yo!”

There I go again I pretend

There I go again like those pain were never there

How could you rub salt on my scars

You irresponsible jerk

I gave myself such a hard time to make sure I’m not blaming any innocent person wrong

You abuse my scars

You think it was probably a convenient reason that wasn’t gonna hurt

I must be pretending so well that you think everything’s ok

You cut me and then forget

And then cut me again

Made sure they never stop bleeding

Me, on the other side, with those invisible handcuffs

Even if it hurts, I can’t move a step

You’re wrong if you think I’m the willing victim.

You peeled me off, layer by layer

Each layer I cried, I cried for you till I’m all dried up

Thinking how you are not thinking of me

Not knowing I’m alone crying for something stupid.

You broke my fragile heart

As if the pieces weren’t fine enough

You picked it up and broke them up again

Until they were fine as dust

Blown away and never to be found.

I’m crying for you not putting me in my mind

I’m crying for myself crying over this kind of stupid things

I’m crying over myself for being so stupid

You’d probably say I took it upon myself

I just want someone to listen

A shoulder to cry on

I want yours to be the one

But I know you could never be the one

I’m not physically tired

But emotionally mentally extremely tired