蜕变 • 成长

看会以前写过的，那些有评论的文章。

哇塞~超过一半是要我加油。鼓励固然是好事，问题是，我的文章都超negative的。

ahh~所幸最近的都比较少这么负面的。

部落格是拿来分享的嘛~不是拿来诉苦博同情的。

而且觉得以前的自己超得空的。没有事情就来这里诉苦，把我这个小屋搞得如此暗淡凄凉啊~

觉得现在的自己真的看开了很多。不喜欢就不要看，不要管，这样感觉超好的。

而且也不会为小事烦，烦的时候，听听歌，唱唱歌，玩游戏，找朋友谈就好啦！

我想，要是现在的我还像以前那样，我根本就不会在这里生存下来。

我只会是一个孤傲的人、没有朋友、愤世嫉俗、可悲凄凉啊~

哈哈！长大过程嘛~我也有犯错的时候。人当然是从错误中学习，重要是不要一错再错就好了。

就酱啦！没有什么好说。应该是没用心情说。

很久没用中文写了，不知语法上有何不该犯下的错误？xP

Just stayed in Grace's room for at least half an hour waiting for her to finish talking to her darling.
I didn't mean to eavesdrop but somehow the scary feeling of lonesome suddenly attacked me, gradually grew as they continue to discuss about each other exams.

Completely unrelated, but somehow it reminded me of the wounds and scars that I never intend to open it again as time goes by.

Old matters. I started to think back my journey in this school. Wasn't completely an unpleasant one, but sometimes I can't help wondering, did I simply just wasted my time here? These 2 people talking now are going to meet up in UK somehow, someday. Does it even matter if they don't see each other after speech day?

Where will I be? These are my friends, friends that I wished I could go through my life with them in another chapter in UK. Sadly the truth for me isn't like this. I tried convincing myself that I have a greater freedom and more options to choose my next destination. But sometimes, I just feel tired and wanna release all the pressure around me. I'm tired. Neither mentally nor physically. Just like now. I wanna just sit or lie down and talk to someone. I wonder, is this the real me? Is the real me someone this sad and everything else, happiness are nothing but a lie? a sham?

Is this some cycle of my hormone or something. It comes regularly, something like the menstrual period. It just occurs. Or is it because it is the point where I've reach the peak of happiness until it is numb to me, I can feel no more exhilaration in it anymore? So it goes back to the starting point and repeat all over again?

Or is it simply because today wasn't my best day? I previously mentioned how today is a good day as I achieved some new things in life, but on the other hand, it didn't all go well. My blanket shrank, my only mug went missing, my account got blocked, all in one day.

I could feel the accumulation of frustration from the moment my account got blocked. Therefore I tried talking to people about it, hopefully it would ease my heart a little. Who knows, a conversation which is completely unrelated to me, actually, accidentally hit my soft point and sailed me back to those painful memories.

I actually thought of crying, or maybe storm out of Grace room, wait till she comes to my room. My heart can't stop struggling. Words on the economics textbook seemed like nothing to me, nothing went into my brain, except for those struggles.

I wanna cry. I really feel like crying. Grace's computer has some soft music, I think it's some chinese song by Lala, made me even emo now. Now I understand, a feeling worse than crying is being unable to cry when you desperately wanna cry.  either unless you cry

Interesting Day

Ugh. I promised myself not to blog but there are simply interesting things for me to talk about today.

Alright, I promise this is gonna be short.

First thing first, I was so happy that I've washed my bed linen FOR THE FIRST TIME.

Usually I'll bring it back home to wash but this is my first time washing it. 

It went out pretty well and it didn't took me much time for me to complete the whole process and put it back on my bed. I was so happy that I feel...confident.

I feel like Rapunzel in Tangled when I achieved something new and interesting, it gives me a different perspective and a new definition to myself! My head can't stop playing the song "When will my life begin" in my head because I can totally relate to that song at that point!

Here's the issue.

I never knew that wool cannot be put into the dryer.

And I dumped everything into the dryer, and when I folded my blanket, I was very sure that something's different with its size.

So once again I searched the internet. Holy mother I then only knew the fact.

Haih...if my blanket could still fit my body, I would just bring it back home and "unshrink" it. Hopefully it goes back to normal.

Second thing. I tied a bun and went into public.

Well I've tied a bun before but I never show it to public, except when I'm back home.

Today is the first day the idea of me tying a bun to go for lunch struck my brain, so I did!

It was loose, but it didn't really fall and I think I can call it successful :) Gonna do that more often.

Third.

Foster the people and 2 door cinema club ROCKS.

I believe there are more indie rock band out there that can impress me more than them but right now I don't of the time luxury to do that.

So I stick to this two first.

I came across Foster the people's Houdini just now while watching MTV Hits, OMG the dance moves are so cute and the song is really catchy, very very upbeat and nice song.

Then I saw 2 door cinema club on Youtube when listening to Houdini.

The song was called What You Know, sounds pretty badass and it's eargasm!

I encountered Mumford and Sons too, but folks is not my cup of tea for this moment, so I...gave up on them xD

I now banging into What You Know, hopefully later I could listen to more of their songs.

Clearly my language today is a little bit abnormal, why? Simple, I'm tired and I still have to study. You can feel the blues element in my words. That's all for today, see ya!

OH! Before I forget, heel genius really does work! My legs felt better, I can still feel a small part of sore but it definitely go t better because I could walk now at least. And I realise wearing long socks with shorts or pajamas in long pants can be pretty cool xD

Footcream

So what we are we blogging about today? Something I've never imagine I would talk about-Beauty.

Well not exactly beauty, as in talking about how to makeup, but because I had a sore or swell resulted from yesterday's long day of wearing heels, standing and walking. And the beauty topic today that I'm gonna talk about would be foot cream.

So I looked for the greatest invention of the world, better than encyclopedia, the almighty.....internet, to search for my resolution to these poor feet.

Then I found this pretty amazing blog, this is the link:

http://www.styleeveryday.com/2011/10/04/beauty-tip-tuesday-reducing-foot-swelling-and-pain-and-a-giveaway/

At first I thought, having a sore on our feet, we just have to simply massage to make it better. Well apparently the truth isn't like this. I was introduced to this product-foot cream. Never heard of it before but it certainly make sense. I thought there would be other alternatives but sadly no. The most accurate resolution for a sore feet is foot cream, le sigh~

My first reaction was like, now I know how tough it is to be a woman, or pretty woman precisely. There's goddamn tonnes of beauty product and services out there that I can't remember all of them! Even like pedicure, I do know what's that but the process, taking off this, removing that, put it for how long, seriously! I couldn't even absorb that!

Anyway, so this website introduced me to this foot cream product named Topricin. I wonder if they have it here. Not gonna talk much about the details, but apparently the author made the product sounds magical. Initially I just wanna forget about it and let it heal by its own like the usual way. But then, I know I need to wear heels more often and it's gonna be a long term thingy. If I don't get my feet right, now, then by the time I need to wear heels, I'm afraid it would worsen.

Thus, instead of asking Grace to buy one for me, I just went and ask around people whom I know pretty much concerned about these kind of stuff, and yes! I found this pretty amazing stuff.

Heel Genius Amazing Foot Cream it is by Soap and Glory. Once again I got it from Adibah when I was asking Hazel for foot cream. Hmm...I guess she's my saviour or guardian angel or something. So this product boast to be as good as or even better than pedicure! Sounds great! This nifty little product in a cute pink tube also even have pretty cute slogans on it, such as: Heel Genius was tested on people. (You might argue this if you'd seen the condition of some of their feet. Yeeesh.) Honestly, I don't know what's it talking about, but yes! It's cute, it boast it's effectiveness and it's smells amazing. Now I don't have to but perfume, these are good enough for me. I couldn't even resist smelling my hand like a retard because it smells so nice! Local products should learn more from these products. The funny thing also is that you have to slip cotton socks overtop and let it soak while you sleep. I don't know whether it applies to all kinds of foot cream but honestly this amuses me. This is the back look of the cream.

On the official website, the ratings for this product is 4.5/5. I don't know how true is this but out of desperation, it's like the holy light that shines on you and asking you to buy their product. I searched up for the reviews on this cream and surprisingly there are a number of it. I couldn't be bothered to read all of them, but I briefly scanned through the one from about.com. Here's the link:

http://budgetstyle.about.com/od/skincare/fr/Heel-Genius-Amazing-Foot-Cream.htm

Anyhow, I think I would still buy Topricin than this one because it's more of what I wanted compared to this one. This is just for temporary use, I didn't even use it at night.

So yeah basically that's all about it. I think after this I should completely reject myself out from the beauty field. For now, it's too complicated for me but I still have interest in it because till now it still gives me wonders. I realised I've learnt a lot about fashion, beauty and styling after coming to this school, which is a very good thing. Oh yes! Before I forget, I actually went to TC's room and wanted some foot cream, but then she GAVE me this. Oh well, no harm done, I need lotion for my fish scale skin too. Thank you TC ;P

I guess that's all for now, spent almost an hour on writing this :O I hope readers don't laugh at me on beauty because yes I admit I'm still in the Flinstone era trying to modernize my beauty knowledge. But I'm still young, I think it's the right age for me to start learning bit by bit.

Good Looks

Love, they said, is not just about looks.

Well, I can tell you, at least for me,

IT'S A LIE.

For the past week I've encountered 2 really really cute guys. One is fiction, the other one is not.

We'll start with the human first. Phillip Phillips. Sometimes, I feel like all those justification on how he's musically talented, how he's such a nice and humble person, how unique is his voice and his talent etc. is merely an excuse for his good looks. Well, I don't deny all the claims above but honestly, the main thing is his looks. Lee Dewyze and "friends" ain't that good looking either that's why I wouldn't give a damn about how talented they are. I sound really mean don't I? You guys should already know as I've dedicated an article specially on him, so I don't need more explanation.

As for the other one, the cartoon character, it's Flynn Rider. Those of you who have watched Tangled should know who is he. Indeed! He's Eugene Fitzcherbert. (Who's that?!)

Anyway, he's the male lead. In the movie he's simple so cute that..ugh! All the while my friends are telling me how handsome and charming he is, how nice the song "I see the light" was, but I never believed it. To me, nothing could beat the princes and other male lead in the 90s Disney cartoons and this Flynn Rider is definitely the worst! At that point, I even find that this movie was a failure of Disney movies! It seems like Disney has lost the ability to create the authentic cartoon which are hand drawn, but instead resort to these over commercialized computer animation. 2 days ago, I got the movie from Umi, so I watched it. 

Throughout the movie, I kept telling myself, I'll take back my words. I can't believe I criticized this movie! I'm not giving too much compliment on the movie, but I'm impressed with the small small details that are presented by the characters! It really made the cartoon characters very real, unlike other regular computer animated movies! Maybe it was the impact of Cinderella, which I just watched right before watching Tangled. I must say I was a little disappointed but it wasn't Disney's fault. I mean c'mon! Almost all of the Disney movies I've watched it in the 90s when I was still in kindergarten. The oldest is probably in primary school, which means I wasn't more than 12 years old at that time! The great memories that they've given me are PRICELESS. Even now when I look back those cartoon, I can vaguely remember some scenes but the feeling is not there anymore. However, I'm still impress with the technique, especially through hand drawing they could create such lively characters are just brilliant! Take for example, Pocohantas and The Lion King.

Cinderella was the only Disney Princess movie that I've never watch when I was young, I mean not the whole thing. So the other day, I didn't watch the whole movie either but man the drawing is just so...raw. I can't blame them since it was made in the 1950s. I guess that's why Tangled left a very wonderful impression on me. 

Back to Flynn Rider. I cannot believe myself finding him handsome! I mean especially when I see him with goatie~I hate guys with goatie honestly. But I guess it was his character, his wit, his intelligence had made me totally in love with him~Now I understand how those anime fans fancy those unrealistic cartoon characters. So I thought, how nice if I could find a boyfriend this good looking but that was a little ambitious for me. For me, to spark the chemistry, looks go first, then the feel. It's about the whole package. The looks is a very very very huge bonus for a guy, to me. If he's got the looks, he could win my heart in almost everything. As in, if he's good looking, everything he does seems fine. If he's not good looking for me, it's hard for me to appreciate anything he does. This sounds wrong isn't it but guys, deep down in girls' heart, looks really really matters.

How did I came up with this article, it's right after I saw one school staff performing. Well, he's definitely got the looks but I did not fall for him clearly, but like what I've just said. If he's got the looks, everything he does seems fine, good or bad. Seeing that staff performing just made me almost fell for him if I'm not careful enough. I believe I'm not the only girl who thinks like that. So yeah, seeing him on stage just made me succumb to the fact that looks does matter for a guy, to me. I admit that all those statements made on Phillip Phillips and Flynn Rider seems more like a lie rather than a pure reason I was mesmerized by them, but they are all true.

Speaking of looks, I think I have almost come to the point that you need to be pretty enough to catch the eyes of a guy or, guys. People always said beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, but, how many guys can do that? All guys fall for pretty women or ladies. Girls who lack the looks would not catch their eye, or maybe will only catch those who are less good looking? which is something I never desired for. I came to this conclusion after watching Notting Hill last night, seeing how William Becka fell for Anna Scott, mainly because she's a super star and she's got the looks! That's why the guy was giving a chance to her and willing to do anything for her. When a guy opens his door for you and let you in, when he could see you through, that's where he would understand your feelings. And the key to the door would be mainly good looks. I wouldn't deny that there are other factors for people to get through that door but I supposed the looks is the main factor.

Of course, how beautiful is beautiful? At this point, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder would be a valid argument. Some people find a girl pretty but some might not think the same. It also depends on what kind of people that you wish to date. If you want to date a guy who's like Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt, you gotta set yourself up to the par.Sounds like business but it's true. Some people are satisfied even though the girl doesn't look like Brook Shields, it all depends on one's personal taste.

I seem to be deviating from my topic. Nevertheless, if looks doesn't work out, the next most important thing would be the feel. If you feel right and know that the person is the one you can harbour, you can rely on, then go for it. You feel comfortable even if they are not good looking, as always, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. The person you love will always be the most good looking one. Maybe that's why people said love is blind xP

Do I sound complicated? Maybe I do. Sound off in the comments if you think so. I guess the late night is making me kinda, drunk. haha. Alright! toodles people! Au voir~

stronger

I hate attending gatherings.

I mean I love attending it, but it always gives me the nostalgic feels that make my tears desperately want to gush out! I hate that, especially when the day of graduating is getting nearer and nearer.

Sometimes I feel, the nostalgic feel is merely an excuse. The truth is, I'm lonely. Not that I don't have a mouth to talk, I just don't have the brain or the nerve to connect myself with others. What should I talk? seriously what should I talk? I tried following the way those people talk but mine somehow sounds lame.

So many things passing through my mind whenever I attend this kind of gathering, that's why I hate it.

Nevertheless, just now me and Lois was taking a stroll around the school on our way back to our respective houses. The breezy wind, or the windy breeze (whatever) is just so cooling that you have to urge to run and jump freely! Maybe with a little singing to shape it into perfection. It feels like the most wonderful vacation is awaiting for you and luring you to join them when you definitely cannot or should not. 

Well, we didn't talk much but I was thinking about the word "stronger". For example I was exercising just now in the evening and I see people running like an athlete with that fit body. The pace of their footsteps is just overwhelming. I wondered how did they do that. I will then ask myself, am I that weak? Is it impossible for me to be as determined as them when I run or do any other exercises? Then I thought, or should I be stronger? In the sense that, my will should stay stronger. Whenever I feel weak, especially after exercising like today, I will tell myself to be a little bit stronger. In a split second, I felt better, so much better and stronger. 

Stronger, for me doesn't necessarily mean to be physically stronger. Even mentally, or psychologically I want to be stronger. I want to be more courageous in attempting something, something new! Something exhilarating! All these years I feel like I lack that little spark of courage. I know I am a wild spirit deep down inside but somehow I'm caged in the so called stereotype of people, which means in every action I do, every decision I made, I will choose the safest because that's a guarantee answer and nothing wrong can happen. This reminds me when I was young I tend to be rebellious and most decisions I made weren't the stereotypes. But again and again I was hurt because in the end everything seems to be wrong. Guess I just gave up on that. 

Wait...no decisions should be wrong. Legally, nothing is wrong. My decisions made in the past were not wrong. I guess I just got lost and stuck in the middle. Adam Lambert's new song Never Close Our Eyes mentioned: Let's all stay in the moment and stay open to all possibilities. We have the power to create our reality. Indeed, so, decisions. They have nothing wrong as long as you stay clear in that moment and make sure every decision you're making in the next step leads to you to the path you desire. I think courage is the word. Dare is the word. We have the power to create our own reality. Anyway, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Phillip Phillips is my American Idol!!! <3

First of all I have no idea why I can't put in a title. Ok let's start!

Heheh, Today is a great day to start, never even anticipate that!

Last night I even told myself, if Jessica Sanchez wins, it's good for me too! Cuz' I don't have to go bother all these comments, especially some hyperactive Filipino comments. I mean, technically Jessica hasn't even set foot on that land!

Whatever it is, today is the best day of the year as my idol Phillip Phillips was crowned as this season's American Idol!!! *woohoo! Three cheers from this humble musician from Leesburg, Georgia.

I'm currently jamming his latest winning single-Home. It sounds like folk with shadows of Mumford and Sons. I LOVE IT. It sound so sweet an it's definitely different from all Idol singles that I've ever heard before.

I remember seeing him on the audition episode of American Idol, right away I set my eyes on him and gave my bet that he could be the winner of American Idol. Well, maybe not just him. I also set my eye on Colton Dixon because honestly, this 2 guys are freaking talented and they had the whole package of being an artist! A true musician and for me, that's what American Idol desperately needs for the winner. And because of the both of them, I changed my view of not watching American Idol this year because I can't stop telling myself this: This year has a lot of freakish talent and I was right! Even all the top 10, well, maybe top 7 deserved to be the winner! It's kinda a pity for them to have to compete with each other when all of them are winners in their own genre of music.

Being a cute guy with unique raw talents ain't the only thing I like about him. His humble and friendly attitude just made my heart melt instantly, especially his bromance with Heejun, who's another contestant that I respect because he retain his Korean roots in him though after years living in the States. He always bow everytime when people applauded for his performance. So Heejun and Phillip bonded really well at the very start of the competition and apparently Phillip has became the "adopted" brother of Heejun in Han's family!
I remember there's once I saw on twitter where Heejun actually brought him for Korean breakfast with rice and soup. That's just such a heartwarming moment, and honestly for me, it was an amusing thing to see how these 2 distinctly different individuals in terms of race could actually be so close to the extend of being brothers! :') Another thing was when Heejun was announced as one of the top 24, Phillip was actually the one who stood outside to greet his good news. Check out this clip:

see how close they are? And these 2 brothers are even given the nickname of Pheejun.

Here's another one 

How could I not love this bromance couple?!

And I remember there was this other time, around when the top 13 was just selected. Heejun actually took care of Phillip when Phillip had to undergo kidney surgery. I mean TOP 13, it was just about the start of the competition.

Looking back at his audition video once again after his winning, I can't help but felt overwhelmingly proud of this humble musician. Even at the moment he was announced as the winner, I started to think back the time when he auditioned and how his father express his feelings of how proud he is with this son. This is what he said : -
You can't even put words on it, because it makes, especially a parent feel so proud. I mean you swell up and, as a man, you just swell up and you're just so proud and OOGHHH you know, it just makes you wanna just bust. American Idol will change his life because this is what he wants.

He mentioned how much he wanted to use this opportunity to show the world what he's got and just can't let it slip away.  Check out his audition video.

All these words reappeared in my head when he emerged as the winner on Wednesday night. In my head I kept saying "YOU DID IT! YES PHILLIP YOU DID IT! YOU HAVE SUCCEED, OVERCOME ALL THESE OBSTACLES AND SUCCESSFULLY MADE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE." And this is his winning video.

Gahh, I think I've said everything that I wanna say. Well, I try putting more adjectives and make it more beautiful but I think it's unnecessary. Words can't describe how proud I am as a fan to see my idol start from scratch as a pawn shop employee to a true musician. Seeing his journey to becoming the American Idol is just the best thing ever for me. I "fangirled" him more after his winning and actually took every possible picture of him on the internet.

p/s: my twitter background is also him...

New bag

I was, as usual, studying, the other day and I remember it was about 12 midnight. I guess I was kinda lifeless and been living like a corpse at that point, then came a knock on my door. My instant reaction was: WHO'S THAT?!" It definitely doesn't sound like any of our house teachers. Guess what, it's Adibah. Adibah, the girl that I was afraid to talk to and well, our friendship is neutral. No hate no love, umm...well a lil love, at least Alia love! :P So there she came in and she handed me her bag that she promised to give me during an "online auction" on twitter. Well, it's not exactly an auction 'cause she's actually giving those or free because she wants to clear up some extra stuff. So this, is the bag.

Doesn't it look cute? I mean all the while I would love to have this kind of bag and I love the Union Jack design. It is simply fashionable for me no matter on tops, pants, bags, shoes or nails, I always love the Union Jack design and the Star Spangled Banner for fashion I don't know why. And the best thing is that this bag is free. yes, FREE. 

I actually requested for another floral print bag too but apparently it's still not in my hands now. But it's alright, I'm a happy girl now with this one :D

Adibah is actually a very nice person though she looked all fierce and scary. I remember last year when I went to Suki's room and ask about Econs., she was also there talking. Basically me and her didn't really interact. One fine day, a very random day, she came into my room and actually pointed out to me about the same econs. question. She even told me like the book is pretty good for that particular chapter. I was like....I can't help but hugged her. Maybe at that point, I never knew people could actually be nice, especially people that you judge before, thinking there's no possibility of interacting; right there they are the ones who will give you a helping hand. And just so you know, that day was one of my luckiest day so naturally I was a little...ecstatic. 

Alia Love

So the study blues has been bugging me since god knows when, and the best thing was my account was blocked and, well on the bright side you could say that now I could focus on my studies. ;) Ok, my point today to write this blog is because of this.

It was a warm beautiful Saturday and you can't help but struggling inside because it's so tempting to take a nap or get relaxed on such a sunny day. Then came Ms. Campbell and gave me this packet of food. That's right! FOOD. Apparently, it's called the Exam Care Package. Check this out:

Seriously, this is definitely the BEST THING that's ever happened to me since these gloomy exam period. Even my mom doesn't do this! And imagine she did this for the WHOLE HOUSE?

I must say this package did give me a boost even without eating it. I feel like...I must get good grades to repay all these people that's been so nice to me. And for the Upper Sixers, we even have this bonus.

Oh well, maybe you can't read anything from here, but basically it's sorta an exam study guidelines, so that you could get good grades, at the same time not screwing up our lives. I specially edited this photo because I simply love the last line.

Now I think I can sleep well at night. Thank you Ms. Campbell. You're definitely my second mum and the best house mistress I've ever seen. and Thank you Alia for giving me such a great time and unforgettable memories. I will never forget my days spent here.

ALIA <3

Blogging has become a platform for me to express my feelings on a certain event instanly, like, what happened just now. Well, so I was planning to ask Ms. Tiow some, you can call it irrelevant at this point, things regarding her work in UN, since Alia was asking it. So I got curious how did she got into the UN to work, but apparently to no avail. Apparently there were people keep coming in and wanted to speak to her, ask her about more important things compared to mine, so yeah~basically I just stood aside and waited for my turn. However, to be honest, this is my very naked feeling----I felt like an idiot. It's like....why can't I be more outspoken or speak the right words? Honestly, sometimes I feel like I can express myself better in words rather than with my voice. My voice, I think I sing more than I talk. I think. 

Well, maybe some people are born to be this. I mean, it's not the end of the world or end of your life if you can't be outspoken! There's definitely millions of people out there who can't speak well but do great things isn't it? Afterall, BABY I WAS BORN THIS WAY :D

Boring time

Studying is never a fun thing to do unless you really love that subject! Yeap! that's exactly what I'm doing currently in Jawahir's library. Funnily enough, because it's located just beside Alia house, I could actually connect to Alia and here I am typing my blog using Alia connection. Although I had 9 hours of sleep, studying still didn't stop me from yawning and falling asleep. I guess it was study leave mood that got me into this slacking situation. I think I'm hating study leave more and more, because it felt like holiday but you have to work extra hard! Even the internet got dull and dry, there's nothing much you can surf about so yeah, I thought of blogging and writing something so here I am now. It's been a pretty decent week, happy and sad things happen, clarifications made and yes I'm happy and relieved about it. Went back into time and reminiscence the good old times when Adam Lambert was still on American Idol, how Adam and Allison Iraheta nailed the AI stage. Unlike this year, where the good competitors were so competitive until they never even enjoyed the stage, and you don't even enjoy watching it. Philip Phillips now is the sole reason I still cling onto that show. No matter what, Adam Lambert is still the best and his performance was mind blowing! It gave me and millions of people a good reason why AI deserved to be watched and anticipated. 

Rihanna's Where Have You Been is blowing my ears right now. I first heard on the radio yesterday and immediately got hooked on it. It's really a pretty good song because the music is good and addictive, and it's been a while listening to clean yet addictive dance numbers on the radio; moreover, this song comes from Rihanna! I give a 8/10 for this song. 

~I've been everywhere man looking for someone~someone who can please me love me all night long~

Alright, times up for resting! Gotta get back to work now! I think I'm gonna start with Econs now.

To choose One Direction

So I was browsing through my senior, Stanley's blog-Me and the World.

Words could not describe my respect and gratitude towards this senior within that short 6 months period.

Nevertheless, he loves photographing so I get to browse a lot of pretty pretty pictures from his blog, and it's true, I sort of felt like I was travelling just by reading his blog, it's mind blowing!

Before reading his blog, I was looking at this particular article called If you can, do What You Love.

I, too , always thought about this issue of mine. Honestly, I'm not very very very passionate about law. The reason of me taking up the course was simply ridiculous! Because accounting can't switch to law but law can switch to accounting. But then, after that, I realized that I've learned a lot from law and I think it has to be the closest subject to whatever that I'm interested-Philosophy, Anthropology.....I still can't get them clear. So yeah, Law was decent.

However if you want me to consider what I REALLY LOVE. I have no doubts its becoming a singer, or a celebrity you could say. It might sound absurd to us, yeah it is, and that's what holding me back.

I feel like, is this really what I wanted to do for the rest of my life? or is this just merely a daydream of mine since childhood. Every child wishes to be a star when they were young isn't it?

Besides, I think the other thing that held me back was Stanley pictures. (heh, I'm blaming him now) It's just so pretty that I wouldn't mind doing law, which is not something I love, since my school is gonna that damn beautiful and the scenery is goddamn gorgeous. 

I WANT TO TRAVEL! YES TRAVEL! and that's what held me back from achieving things like being a celeb. I would think that, ya know, doing law in UK isn't that bad after all isn't it? There are other things  outside the entertainment industry that's worth doing and I love it too. If I become a celeb, I wouldn't get to travel wherever I want, however long I want. If I graduate with a law degree, have a stable job, I could do whatever I want by then. I have the freedom to do it and without being tied down by those hectic life. Of course, I love hectic life but not continuously.

Whatever it is, I'm not gonna be doing law in UK anymore. So I came up with another brief plan in my mind now.

I want go to the US, but I'll need to check out the fees and living cost first, and consider carefully what I would want to do for the rest of my life and get a degree out of it.

If I can't go to the US, then I'll stay here and probably get an accounting degree, figure out what awesome thing I can do out of it. but meantime I would like to try out acting, not necessarily have to be big, but I just want to enjoy and get some experience because I like it.

However the main thing is, I want to be rich, so that I have the luxury of doing anything I like and going wherever I wanna go.

Ugh! there's so much things going on in my mind now!

Whatever it is, I'll just work hard for my grades first, it is the passport to my freedom and I must get it!

Living in a Lie

Just finished composing a song, well I supposed it's a song...instead of a poem or others...

Anyway, I was inspired to write something like a song or a poem because I was inspired by a "betrayal".

Ok, not exactly a betrayal but I thought I was a special friend to my friend. I mean, I shared all my secrets with her and she told me hers. But now, she didn't update me but instead, she told the other person which coincidentally not someone that I favour. 

Nevertheless, I got inspiration from there but this "song" is not gonna be about that. It's about a girl who has happily mistaken the guy's gestures as a hint to tell her that he has a crush on her. But instead it was just herself thinking too much and the best part is, he has a crush on another girl and he sees this girl as her best friend. So she was mistaken for it but it wasn't the guy's fault because it was her who imagines on her own and now she has to take responsibility of all the wounds by herself.

I wanna make this song into a love song, between couples instead of friends like me and that friend, so I used an example of my another friend who currently has a pretty cool prom date, but she thinks that the guy has a crush on her so she's starting to fall for him, which is pretty dangerous at the same time. So, I apologize since I used them as reference if they didn't really work out :/ Wish them all the best anyway.

So here we go!

Flowers and letters they all turned to dust

Words and promises were nothing but my imagination

Was it just the innate feature of a girl?

Do you call that normal?

But it hurts too much

You look into my eyes

You told me no lies

Yet you bid me goodbye

I could only blame myself and cry

I’ve been living in a lie

All you gave me was a lie

I remember how you hold my hand

That moment I thought I was your girlfriend

Didn’t you see the blush on my face?

You told me all about her

Your that smile is what I desired

I wonder, for you, how friends are defined

Tell them secrets,

Kiss their faces,

But never said that “you are mine”

I wonder, for you, how lovers are defined

Tell them secrets,

Kiss their faces,

Then tell them “you are mine”?

我要

我也想努力读好书；

我也想考取好成绩，争取我要的东西。

我也想读到我想要的科系，做我要做的工作。

我也想要我选择的人生。

我不要被约束于我不喜欢的人生，不喜欢的东西。

加油吧！