被偷走的那五年

终于把“被偷走的那五年”给看了。我哭了。

很多人看了后会被人家问，“你有哭吗？” 可很多人哭的原因都是因为男女主角没happy ending，还把女的给弄死了……有情人没能终成眷属，你还不哭吗？

我哭了，可不是为了以上的原因。男女主角的感情戏固然很真实，很感动；我是到了接近结尾的时候，谢宇决定不让何蔓继续痛苦下去的时候，那边我哭了，因为我想起外公外婆了。

看到何蔓瘫痪，憔悴的样子，我不禁想起了外婆临走前的样子。我一直问，外婆离开时的样子是这样憔悴的吗？看着看着，我又想，一个人不知道自己的死亡来临，分秒内离开人世；还是知道了自己留在这世上的时间而慢慢倒数，那恐惧日积月累；哪一种比较好？谢宇很纠结，可他还有机会选择，还能说“我不舍得你”还能挽留………如果是病着在床上叫你做心理准备的那种……就算咬着指甲也要看着他闭上眼不在开回的那一刻，那种滋味也没好受到哪里去。

看到何蔓记忆比预想之中快衰退的样子，我不禁想起了外公最后的日子。躺在床上，瘦骨如柴，还开始认不得人……看到虽然何蔓记忆衰退而独自跑出去，谢宇没阻止，还跟着他；虽然何蔓瘫痪无法行动，谢宇还是无微不至地照顾着他，完全抛弃了病房以外的世界。我想起了我妈……外公再怎么健忘、多么挑剔、闹小孩子脾气……我妈还是陪衬他。心里难受都要忍着，要哭也不能在他面前哭。

可能是我自己亲身经历过，亲爱的人离开我，所以只有这种情况之下才会让我哭。爱情？谢宇跟何蔓是很浪漫、很感动；但除了羡慕何蔓能拥有这么一个好男人，我真的感觉不了什么。也许因为我的谢宇还没出现吧 :)

Which US President Are You?

So I was doing this test on buzzfeed, it's called Which U.S. President are you?

I got Thomas Jefferson, and it says:

You grew up fast, but you grew up right. You are bold, you make big moves… and we can only admire you for it. You’ve got the brains and the wit to back it up. Can’t hold you down… but why would we try?

Hah! Wasn't expecting such a good feedback hah! Good start for the day :D

Second Time watching Celeste and Jesse Forever

First of all, congratulations to me! Well, my lappie has just revived!! I mean, it didn't fully recovered, it must have seen me being lonely and sorrow for weeks so decided to make me a happy girl again, or just lady luck decided to award me after finishing my mid terms hah! It was a trial and error thingy but oh well, I'm now using it perfectly fine =)

So, I have just finished watching Celeste and Jesse Forever, it's the only movie( I think) I've watched twice in less than a year because it was like my own chicken soup for soul! It's been a whirlwind crazy week, you can call it a chapter of life that...changed me in some way..changed the way I perceive a lot of things. And therefore, it did occur to me should I go get myself a chicken soup for soul, well apparently this movie is just the right one. The right amount, the right taste.

Rotten tomatoes gave it a 70% ratings, if it were other movies other than Adam Sandler I wouldn't be watching it. But C&J Forever is a story that relates to me pretty much. For both times, it reminds me of the same person, but it taught me different things. The first time watching it, it was a mild bittersweet flavour, the whole time I was only asking myself, "Wow! This is like...the future me! Shit am I gonna be like this when I'm 30?"; And the second time was a more distinct, clear cut of pain and lesser sweetness. 

Second time watching it, I was just amazed that how much Celeste's pain of losing someone she loves resonates so much with mine, until I thought I was almost about to cry. Again, I thought this is totally me and I AM going to be Celeste when I'm 30. 

The extra thing that I learnt was letting me know that I have been hurt, the scar is there and you can't turn back time to change things. Things has already been the way it is and the only way to heal it is to move on and cure yourself. You can go run, make friends, singing along to Taylor Swift or Adele, telling people that you're totally okay without him. I mean, c'mon, I survived right? But truth is either time will wash this away, or we can't just pretend that things didn't happen forever. We can't pretend like we never got hurt.

People only believe in what they choose they believe. And after all these crazy things that I've seen, I've heard, I've gone through, I must say at some point I developed a bit of trust issues and that statement cannot be anymore true. And it seems like the only person that you can trust most is nobody but you.

Victor Frankl said, when we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.

This is what's happening to me. I got frustrated over so many little things and get sensitive over petty feelings, making myself cry and wear myself out day after day. But nothing changed, They will never change. Even if you doodle or uglify his face, or just making imaginary conversations of you mocking and getting mad at him. What happened cannot be undone. The good thing is, at the end of day I realized I've learnt to accept myself the way I am. Being the way that I'm most comfortable in instead of pleasing everyone else. Because loving yourself is the very least respect that you give yourself. I'm changing, and thankfully in a better way.

After their divorce is finalized, when Celeste asked Jesse does he love Veronica, her eyes is saying that I still love you very much but I think it's time to let go. It's a tiring process and it's the right time to make things right , even if she still loves him. The point is, it's ok as long as the person is happy, you can be happy for them. Personally, if I were to think back the details and connect the dots just to find evidence of who's right or wrong, it's just gonna hurt me again. I let go. No matter it's right or wrong, it just doesn't matter anymore.

Thank you Celeste and Jesse, I've learnt something here and it definitely gave me more peace in mind. Letting go is not something easy and can be done in a snap. But when it's done, that calm feeling is priceless. You just feel like you've grown somewhat...wiser ;)

Do you want to be right or happy? Didn't really give it a thought initially but give it a second look, yeah! This is exactly what I meant! No matter it's right or wrong it doesn't matter anymore, I just want to be happy :)