Stepping into the 20 turned out wasn't all smooth sailing. I know there will be bigger waves coming in but it was more like a struggling to stay on the water surface instead of california surfing or a fun roller coaster ride.
Sure I do enjoy how thrilling and interesting life could turn out to be, but when things get a bit sour, the side effects are starting to get the best of me. All of the things that you thought you would never ever do, those boundaries that you thought you would never ever cross..all because of the invincibility that makes you feel how anything could happen in this world no matter how crazy it is. And it's definitely crazy how freedom taste when everything you do starts to feel like it's boundless.
I just talked to my friend about how different it feels now being in my own home. The conflicts between me and my family seems to only grow and never decreasing. At my age and my parents' age, mindsets are not that easy to be changed anymore. Arguments seems to be inevitable and you're starting to feel scared at how far any argument could go. Each time when I want to prove how I'm already an independent, matured person, the more it seems like I'm more childish than ever, and the only solution for peace seems to be obeying their words and following what they say.
Patience is something that I realized what I'm lacking of, and it sure ain't an easy path to walk. She said it took her years to train it, you heard that right, TRAIN. It is a long term investment and so it's worth suffering for, apparently. I guess I might have prejudged them and already expected how things will turn out. Maybe I should still believe that things might take a better turn if I took things a better way, a more matured way.
Each time when I get mad or get stressed, I tend to surf the net and read articles that tells you "it's ok to feel like a mess in your 20s", "it's ok if you're confused"...but personally I think it's more like runnning away from problems instead of facing it and solving it. It's like convincing yourself how those problems are acceptable no matter how serious it is. It's not like telling you that it's not gonna be ok or you should be stressed over it. More stress is not going to help anything even if it's your guilty pleasure. It should be like, it's ok to face it and find a solution out of it. Not it's ok you can live on with it.
Well, I still haven't had it all figured out. Not gonna be all smooth sailing but I will sail through it. What an interesting journey life is, I have learnt and going to learn so much more with different people, different experiences and different feelings. What a waste if I quit at this point.
