I'll never let regret hit me anymore! AT least not on me and my family.

I am the best

I want to be someone respected.

not by getting into prestigious universities or taking a high post.

I want to be respected by being who I am.

I am satisfied if I achieve what I want in life. not everything, not things that does not belong to me.

Some things are not meant to be mine. I accept that fact.

Saying that you are not better than them does not mean you are completely cannot be respected.

You can be a wonderful person and succeed in life in so many ways.

Getting into top schools is just one of the gazillion ways.

I'm sorry

I'm sorry....

I cannot be as good as you wanted me to be...

I've let you guys down and let myself down...

Every dream now is unrealistic but I know one thing for sure is not unrealistic.

keep working hard and don't give up on hope.

I'm younger, you're older...wait, I should be your senior!

When I was young, I used to think that all the ones that were born in my year will be my friend, well at least we know each other~and others are considered senior or junior.

After coming to KTJ, I have to say, I was facing a huge confusion between the age and the form of students. Trust me, only this week I can make some sense out of these sort of logic like this person is in Form 5 but only 15 and that one is Form 2 but 11.

Such things doesn't exist in my previous schools.

I don't know whether I should consider myself lucky or not to be in the "normal" group, which means I'm January intake all the January intakes were born in the same year as me. It doesn't make any difference with schooling period previously.

However now when the new batch came in, some of them from outside are my age, that's not a problem. The weird thing happens is when you see those who were supposingly studying one year later than us were actually the same batch as the ones but no! They were in the same batch as the ones who share the same age as me. They look like friends but not like friends....Forgive me, this is the interpretation of my confused illogical mind.

Then, only I realized that when I step out to the real world in the future, I'm gonna mix with people from older and younger than me and we can even be best friends. I guess gradually, the barrier within my heart will slowly disappear as I get myself used to these kind of situation, I won't get that kind of crazy feeling where I feel like I'm talking to a junior because she's younger than me in any ways~

Speaking about junior, sometimes it's crazy when I think about the new batch who was supposed to be my junior, were actually elder than me in terms of age! Even difference in months will let me feel the difference in our seniority. Hence, most of them were actually elder than me in terms of months and I do feel like speaking to my sister but sometimes I feel like I'm speaking to my junior....confusing eh?

I guess same goes to my batch's August intake. Sometimes although knowing that they were one year older than us, I still feel like we were just friends, there's no seniority elements in it. And when the last January intake was here, some of them were actually younger than my batch's August intake but I will have the feeling like the January intakes are older~

I think this weird situation occurs not only to me but also to a lot of people here. But I guess this won't be their greatest concern since some of them had been here since young~

Worthy

Worthy.

Though I'm still younger than a lot of form 6ers here, I still had to face the fact that I'm now in Upper 6 and I will be going to open a new chapter of my life, hopefully in UK, soon within a year.

Hence, I do realize the importance of time which I've previously wasted a lot.

Stepping into the 3rd term, activities are still equally abundant but time is ticking and flowing away. I now had to be more careful and think multiple times to decide to attend some things that I think it's worth my time. Not that I'm greedy, but I have this tendency of wanting to do everything because to me everything means learning new things and I'm bound to experience new things.

Sadly, time doesn't allow me to do that.

Even little things like going to friends room to chat also needed to think twice.

I guess this is what leads me to my indecisiveness.

Even when talking to people, I got so afraid that I might just spill out the wrong word.

and indeed I did.

I hope that my friends do understand that I wasn't meant to be hurtful.

I tried to say the right words in a very natural way so please do forgive me if I sounded like I do have any intentions to hurt or offend you.

Well, I guess it's time to go work, time is still ticking and flowing away~

To be able to go to UK and study would be the wildest dream I could ever imagine~

I'm working towards it. I WANT TO GO TO UK AND I'M GONNA WORK MY ASS OFF FOR THIS.

心的故事

我喜欢你。除了这句话， 我不知道该说些什么~即使长篇大论，总结还是那一句

我喜欢你。

特别是当你穿上白色衬衫的时候，会让我的心抽一下。

你的样子根本就不是我的菜，为什么我却会一直被你吸引着呢？

这肯定不是所谓的爱情。因为你是公认的帅气~

我是不喜欢帅的男生。不过话说回来你也不怎么帅，所以我说，我不知道要怎么形容你~

这还是第一次，连我自己都不知道该给什么答案~

或许一直这样专研你是我的乐趣，是你让我吸引着的地方~

但我太奢望了，甚至每每都与你插身而过……

我不想承认，不过很多东西是因为有你我才参加的……

听起来很傻吧这小妮子~

神经病！你还不值我的A*呢！

我还在努力，努力地对我的楼上商讨把你忘了~

噢！不是你，是把对你的感情忘了~

我只想与你做朋友。起码。

只要我们是朋友， 我真的就心满意足了。

我只想和你说话~

我会努力在你面前做个正常的人，正常的，以新人见面的方式，开始和你交朋友。

野心再大，胆子都不敢大到妄想成为你心中的唯一。

我OK的！死缠烂打真的不是我~

朋友就朋友，情人就情人，我相信缘分~

伪装也有限度的~我对你笑，只是想在给你多一次机会, 请不要滥用它。

不要觉得我永远都会对你笑，所以你可以任意地利用我，我不是你的什么人。

你如果真心关心我，不是我还没回答前就转话题~

你问我，我要说时你又转话题，很好玩吗？

我伪装到很累了……我是不是很好欺负？

要我的时候找我，不要我的时候可以都不看、不管。

做人果然要现实、要虚伪~这世上，没有真心的真心。

Where am I heading to?

When I was young, my ultimate dream is to become a kpop star, nothing more.

I thought being educated in school is just a waste of time because I don't even have interest in those subjects.

Being in KTJ had taught me life wasn't just about all that.

Being in KTJ had taught me to learn to look at the world in depth and understand what is the problem with the world. Hence, education is the purpose to create or improve this world, make it a better place to live.

Now, a kpop star still looked appealing to me, still that colourful, still that wonderful, but unfortunately not that useful.

Having decided to throw myself into the law field was a good choice. Being a lawyer wasn't my ultimate dream today.

I want to work productively, I want to contribute something to help make this world a better place.

Not being boastful, but to me, there's a purpose to live and breathe as a human.

I believe that I've been given a life on earth because I have a responsibility to create a better place for everyone to live in.

Maybe I won't be able to help everyone on this earth, but I will try my best to do it.

I'm happy with my life now.

【早该知道并留在心里的这十件事】：

1、你本来就是个小人物；

2、天上不会掉馅饼；

3、没人卖给你后悔药；

4、每个人都有自私的一面；

5、不要小瞧任何人；

6、不是什么人都按理出牌；

7、升官发财不是生活的全部；

8、独木桥也许胜过阳关道；

9、这个人是不是你的最爱；

10、贵人不一定是好人。

当朋友忽略你时，不要伤心，每个人都有自己的生活，谁都不可能一直陪你。你之所以感到孤独，并不是没有人关心，而是你在乎的那个人没有关心你。

My new chance is...

I have to say...Han Li is my new chance~

Love her so much! <3

Today report

So I've told Ms. Sarah about my cancellation of Cambridge....in the most undesirable way....

I guess that's what made me gloomy until now...

These days, I kinda feel like I'm slowly outgrowing from the old me who is timid and always do things, say things at the wrong time, though I sometimes do things at the wrong time and still timid, I guess I've improved in terms of speaking and communicating :)

Ugh...I missed my chance to go to TayMUN!!!! That S lah~no one told me have to register online~I thought give her the names can already and then Monday after raya break only tell me~:'(

Still busy as always...seriously I don't know how to distress! Sometimes even if I rest, after that I'll feel like I was just trying to get away from my problems...but I still have to smile and be okay in front of everybody...this is so sad....

speaking about sad, though I'm improving in my communication skills, I mostly do things based on what people do, because to me now, whatever people do must be normal, therefore I won't be the weirdo if I follow what they do.

Nevertheless, what makes me sad the most is that this world is just too realistic, or am I just being too emotional? Even if people said "nah! who cares about that softball practice?" It might sound normal but I somehow felt hurt inside~It's like "How could you do this to us?" which sounded really dramatic but I'm not trying to be dramatic.

Honestly speaking, I'm starting to be cool when talking to people and at the same time I'm learning how to be realistic~How to ignore or neglect those who you don't like. Learning how to be a bad girl...hah! how absurd is that?

Whatever it is, one thing I know is if you don't know how to handle a situation, just give them a BIIGGGG grin. That will at least ease things and it definitely make people friendlier around you! =D

Oh wait! I've figured something really happy...tomorrow's induction :DDDD Gotta see how my mortal react tomoorow when he sees me..I think he'd figured it out who's his Guardian Angel...but I doubt that he's sure it's me :P

Lalalalalala singing a happy song~<3

Wasted

Today was...well..I was ok but someone was not...well actually me too...ugh! Wth am I saying?!

Whatever, I sort of got "inspired" to write an article, but I ended up searching for new layouts for my blog~pretty pretty eh?

ok, so time wasted, I guess I just have to push back my plans for writing this article~

BYE!!!

Today was awesome!

Today must be a lucky day for me!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy!!! I never had such a wonderful day since the start of the term T.T

firstly, Mr. Michael T. told us that he had to go for his medical check-up so we will not have class tomorrow~I wish you the best sir but I have to say I'm still happy because no class means no burden T^T

Then, I met with Mr. Hughes where it was the first time we really chatted about things other than Personal Statement~apparently, he just visited Malacca last holiday when I told him that that was my hometown~He's such a nice guy~Thanks Mr. Hughes, you actually made my day! well, maybe part of it at least...

Later on in maths, as usual miss gave us tonnes of workload, but I'm so blessed that they were all easily attacked and solved! Now this REALLY made my day.

Then, in MUN, I actually did not expect Edward to come!!! I thought I'll never gonna have common ECA with him^^

Speaking about MUN,I had a fun time being in my first mock session, though I didn't prepared much *shy*~but at least I'm exposed to the procedure of the mock session and I find it not that hard except for its formality. It took a whole lotta courage to go to the podium, but yeah! I picked up pieces of my courage and clumsily walked up to the stage. Though no idea what the hell did I just said, I'm still grateful that I took the opportunity to speak.

Well I guess that's all for today. I'm still very happy now but I MUST be prepared for tomorrow

coz there's the law discussion which I supposed I can say-hated-the most because I just can't figure out something right to say! Whatever it is, god bless me tomorrow~and the other thing is an oxbridge meeting at 1pm...

Though I have not include cambridge in my list now, I'm still in huge dilemma of whether I should not give up or not...It felt like doomsday actually because I can't help telling myself "I'll never get the chance to go to cambridge ever!!!" Even though I tried using postgrad as an excuse to comfort myself, it still doesn't seem to help.

OMG~I gotta make my final decision less than 24 hours~SAVE ME!!!!

BYE!!!

Prosperity! {Part 1}

Had a pretty prosperous feast today~although it wasn't any special day except for THURSDAY.

I took my lunch at this cute-sized shop named Restaurant 135 but it sells beef noodles and chicken chop, pork chop noodles. Sounds tasty eh? It's my first time visiting that "restaurant" but it gave me a pretty good impression because it's clean and most importantly, it's quiet. I feel cosy and comfy despite being a first time visitor. Apparently my family didn't really feel full during the last time they came here, so we ordered all big size, which I will never do it most probably ever, in my life. I can't believe I just finished a big, huge bowl of beef noodles!

My life's a mess

I swear to god or whoever that believes me, I will never let my life be a mess!!!

At least not with papers~