Change

Change is something extreme. It can be exciting but at the same time daunting/

A lot of things...well..some things, I would say, but significant things, happened within a week. I had the happiest time of my life since god knows when. I felt like I found a family and it's tearing me inside to think that such a happy thing couldn't last forever. At least not throughout my whole time here. 

3,4 days ago, I was extremely...emotional...or depressed? for the reason mentioned above. At the same time, I do not deny the probability of the existence of some mental disorder, in such a way where you are left empty, nothing to do after a whole week of busy preparation. There's just nothing else and that feels like shit. 

This was one turning point where I was forced to adapt a new environment. No more those busy days preparing the registration, opening ceremony etc. But luckily I have my family with me and I've never spent so much time hanging out outside in my life. But I guess it's the best way to kill away my time and the negative emotions. I felt much better at least, with them around <3 div="">

Grandpa left for heaven yesterday. I guess that was supposed to be another turning point in my life, but not for this week. The ironic thing is, I had cried so much watching Glee's tribute episode, thinking of Cory Monteith and my late grandma till I hated crying so much because it's like taking my soul away from me. And I have to go back for his funeral this Tuesday and....here we go again.

Now tomorrow is the first day of school with 4 continuous lecture class in front of me. The fact that saddens me is not just about facing the reality that I'm an accounting student and I need to work hard to get better results; but also going to school without my friends...and my family in uni. I even had to listen to Taylor Swift just to kill those dampening emotions.

Change is not also about time. About me.

I would say, changing for the better. I mean. at the end of the day, that's also the purpose that I'm joining this co-curricular activities. To make more friends, and to improve my communication skills. I was always told that I look serious. Well, to a certain extent, I agree to this statement. Maybe this is who I am but it's definitely not something I want. Life, it's not just about being yourself and do whatever you want boldly. Always identify the limit to it. That's what I learn with my PMP peeps. I agree what J said to a certain extent, just treat them like a friend. Talk to them like a friend and give a helping hand when they need it but without overdoing it. And try to feel appreciation and gratitution when someone is trying to be nice because those might be the best friends that you have.

Then do not be overly serious to jokes. Making fun of people doesn't ALWAYS mean bullying. Another thing I learn during this period is 玩得起。Not to get overly sensitive over some jokes that's making fun about you. Even if it might be offensive, let it go because it's not something on purpose. Learn to identify the difference with those done on purpose. 

At some point, I took things a little more serious, not sure if this is just a female's instinct. I was affected by something else that's not really related to me, but because I took it slightly more serious and somehow it made me felt like it was my thing too. And therefore I resisted that person but till today then I realize it might be a little overboard. I was already influencing others, which I shouldn't. At the same time, I realized those who love to make fun of people unintentionally, never took this kind of itsy bitsy issues too seriously. In other words, they can still talk to those who they weren't too fond of like nothing happened.

Change can be daunting but exciting, depending on how you would perceive it. Change can be hard but good.

Thoughts at the end of the day

It's 1am and I just got my lazy ass off to shower and had slightly a little more energy. So, I came up with this hypothetical question while combing my hair, people say money can't buy happiness, but are people selling happiness for money? Money for what? Comfort?

This idea came across not because I was combing my hair, but because I had a brief conversation regarding the different kinds of people on Facebook, particularly on the annoying ones. One of them shared that there are this kind of "Facebookers" who intend to promote themselves to become more popular on Facebook. So basically these kind of users would inbox you and "remind" you to like her pictures (most of them would be girls) to gain her more popularity.

So what my friend would do is to un-friend her right away. Right, this is not a discussion about different types of Facebook users, but this provoked the idea that I am about to discuss right now. Why do these people do things like this? Purely for fame? or for money?

What about people like office workers, the drivers whose cars are stuck in massive, horrid traffic jams for hours every day, are they happy with what they are doing everyday? If not, why are they doing it? What are they trading it with? Money? For what? Comfort?

I guess ultimately it comes down to another thing called responsibility. Many of them do not do it for a living for themselves, but rather for a family. Just like me. At some point, to be honest, it feels pathetic. I mean, sometimes I do ask myself why can't I be smart and at the same time my passion is medicine, engineering, mathematics etc...something that would already guarantee a smooth, affluent living? And to trade happiness for responsibility, completely, is kinda pathetic at the same time. 

Thus, I think balance is important. Responsibility is important but passion or innate talent is equally important.  It's something that you shouldn't forget and just dump it aside. Or I suppose no one would ever forget something like that. I once read that if you just ignore these innate talent, for example, drawing, eventually it will really leave you. Reason being because these kind of things require practice. It won't remain there if you don't appreciate that talent.

I guess that's about all. 1.21pm and my mind is getting dizzy now. Time to sleep I guess! Bonne nuit!

PMP training Day 1

October 3rd 2013. The first day of our PMP training proves to be a tiring but fruitful experience. I won't go into the deets describing about the whole day, but I'll pick a few memorable ones. After getting to meet each other for the first time yesterday night and a brief introduction, all of us still looked bored and uninterested; but today was a 180 degree change.

For some of them, we got to know their hidden crazy personality and sure had lots of fun with them. I don't know is it because we are a small group, gathered together for the same purpose and no matter how stressful things are, we seem to be able to bond faster and better. Just one day and I already felt so happy since god knows when. I was able to laughed hysterically like when I was with my siblings, and just like others, we could really be our own selves without worrying anything. We learn but we have fun too.

One of the best moments, and I dare to say not just today but probably for the rest of my life, I will not forget the time when we were sitting on the meadow having some sharing time. Instead of figuring out what the game was indicating to us; I was more indulged in the beauty at that moment. It was 3pm when one might be expecting scorching sun and heat instead of windy breeze kissing our faces, but the latter miracle happened today. It was an unbelievable miracle I'd say. Maybe god was expecting our presence today so he prepared such an incredible weather for us.\

There were 2 rounds of the game where we were supposed to hold a basin of water by using only nylon strings. The second round requires 3 of the members to be blind-folded and so I was one of them. Besides focusing on my steps and how not to spill the water, I was enjoying myself in the cool breeze. I could peep at my slippers actually, but most of the time I was like half sleeping and the breeze made it as if I was dreaming. As I uncover my eyes, it was one magnificent scenery that I couldn't believe I have not explored at all after being here for one whole year! And honestly, it was as if I was led by the breeze to paradise. 

During the sharing time, words can't describe how much I desire to lie down on the grass, reading a book with naked feet. It was literally PERFECT. 

After the training session was over, most of us have bonded more significantly and got to know each other much better as well. Therefore this resulted in almost all of us going out having dinner together. I mean, we only met for the second time! It doesn't matter if they were in foundation or degree or graduating; born in 92 or 95, we were all bonding more and more for every second.

Then we gathered together once again to practice the choreography for our theme song-Count on me. It was tiring but I couldn't be more satisfied and more happy that time. There was completely no stress at all talking to these people. Like I said earlier, I, like others, couldn't be more of myself. It's honestly been a long long long time I haven't been this happy and being myself. Talking to friends without worries, I just wished this could remain like this forever. 

I think at some point, the reason that we could be so close to each other in such a short time also because most of us are willing to try and volunteer, at least from my point of view. If one volunteers and tries, then the following would also try and then more and more, and eventually all of us were trying to make things work. All of use were motivated by each other to try and work. It's not a blaming game where one says "I dare not do this", or "I cannot do one lah" or "I'm not doing this by myself". I mean how would you know before giving a try? They say environment is your best tutor, and I won't deny these things does change me once I got together with them for too long a time. 

That's pretty much all. I was reminded that direct conflicts might come and interrupt the harmony that we have around us but I cannot see that for the moment. So far I feel like everyone is working hard to make things happen and I'm definitely blessed to be in a team with people like this surrounding me and supporting me :)