Technically possible but impossible

I used to have this list of things that are known as "Technically possible but practically impossible" (confusing much?) to the extent that I wanted to make it into a blog post, like just now. Maybe because I didn't write it down, that's why I can't remember most of them except things like "Joking around with Leonardo Dicaprio" or "Being best friends with the person you admire a lot" etc. 

But on second thought, I wondered some of these things, indeed, needed some help from Lady Luck. Since it's technically possible, how is it impossible. Yeah probably it's the factor of fate, luck and destiny you might say. But it IS possible right?

Last weekend I attended this soft skill programme called "Take Charge!" It pretty much teaches you about confidence, how you should take charge of your own destiny. Generally I'm on the same side as the facilitator, except for the fact he doesn't believe at luck at all. Every moment is a choice. Every choice is MY choice. This is one of the many things he wants us to keep in mind. I don't deny it does help though when you pause for a moment and think carefully at everything you choose. From "where should I go for dinner" to "which route should I take to reach my destination at the shortest time" or "what can I do to get that person's attention", it is all a choice. Even when someone suggested what about an traffic accident, apparently it's our own choice to be at that place that moment. We chose to be there at that time.

Nonetheless, other than things like human flying or living underwater, I guess meeting Leonardo Dicaprio is still something possible. Sounds unrealistic and this is where luck plays its part. Luck is a thing that makes unrealistic things possible. Luck can't help you grow wings to fly, but with a little bit of luck and more of our own choices we could get into a spaceship and go outer space right? Luck doesn't give you ability to play magic and show up in front of Leonardo in a split second, but it does give you the opportunity to meet him if the choices are right, right?

Haze

Days ago my father called me for god knows how many times just to express his concern on the recent terrible haze that's sweeping the whole penisular like some kind of lethal virus. Haze is a regular visitor of the south penisular of Malaysia and it certainly didn't surprise me much this time. Besides, last week it was clear blue sky with the summer wind here in Kampar. It was never my concern around here until yesterday night.

I say before it made me asthmatic, I succumbed to the paranoia of surviving under such condition without any air filter or air conditioner at home while I'm sleeping. I cannot picture myself getting an asthma attack in the midst of having my mid term exams! True the PSI here still seem healthy but this is just the first day! The trend for this haze in the other places south last week was accelerating fast. No, it was leaping. It can go from 170/180 till 300/400 by tomorrow. There's no where for me to run because cancelling class doesn't seem to be ideal either since I'm only surviving under a fan, no filter, nothing. Although it has been awhile since I had my asthma but this is the first time I would be facing such terrible haze with fan and mask solely. Not to mention I still need to go outdoors and fulfill my daily needs. I don't have a car! I could only cycle or walk which obviously exposes me to the polluted dust and air. Of course, this also means that I have to dine in air-conditioned restaurants again to avoid this haze and that means higher food expenses!

I even have to debate when and how many times would be the ideal number to assure my cleaniness. I feel sticky now and I want to bathe. But if I bathe and I go out for dinner or whatsoever, I could see those dust and particles sticking on my hair and I have to sleep and live with that. Or what? I need to hold myself until I completed my daily errands and then I'll shower? Or what? wash my hair before and after?!

 

Sigh this haze and paranoia has made me losing my mind literally! It's been bugging me even in class! I can't even focus in class properly and I'm goddamn tired. Totally not in a good mood, everything just piss me off for no reason. The only thing that can satisfy me this time is making progress in my assignments or studies or tutorials. I doubt even chocolate could help much this time.

Ranting in a boring midnight

I see everybody's been posting pretty "deep" blogs recently, so am I gonna make one right now. Besides, the atmosphere is perfect right now. 2am on a Saturday midnight, everyone's back to hometown. The night is plain quiet. Not a single sound could be heard. It's like something's blocking between and all the sounds going on out there. Except for the folk radio on Myspace, the typing sound and the fan sound. 2am in my PJ and nerdy glasses in front of my lappie trying to be poetic in this silent night, what else could I ask for?

I'm bored. And I would be more than happy to declare that.

But other than this I can hardly say anything else. I know I'm busy. I know this is not good for my health. I know I have things to be accomplished and I have to accomplish it tomorrow if possible so I should be having sufficient sleep. But I'm not doing it. I'm going exactly the opposite way.

It's empty inside me. For the past 3 indescribably boring weekend, I like other time been trying to acquire as much knowledge as I could outside of my country. I saw stuff happening in New York, LA, I learnt science, anatomy and invaluable moral lessons from Bones. I learnt how to identify what's a good movie, what's a bad movie to watch. I traveled to Rome in To Rome with Love. But still, the problem is still there. I'm not applying it in any way. And yet, problems right in front of me awaiting for me to solve are still yet to be solved. They pile up.

This is exactly where my problem lies. I put the puzzles of all my dreams and desires together and I could start identifying the direction that I am heading. But I'm sort of leaving out 10 years in the middle. I want to travel and learn the little things, I wanna be part of UNICEF and help those kids when I'm financially stable. I want to have a beautiful house and a beautiful family. But yet I'm here screwing my own health with undone assignments and tutorials. Do those dots connect? It's like I'm dreaming of the day I could fly to the moon with my own wings and live there eternally. That sounds impossible right?

I'm just ranting and wasting my time. This is unhealthy. I'm out.

很好笑的事

一下了车，第一个反应就是-“天下怎么会有那么好笑的事？”

没错。天下竟然有那么不可理喻的事而且发生在我身上了。

今天一放学后就赶回家忙东西，收拾行李之类的。天气又那么热，汗流浃背都得赶因为德士司机很快就会到。

收拾行李了，便撑着伞在炎热的天气下走去朋友家。尽管行李挺重的，还是得一步一步、加快脚步走到目的地。心想，反正很快就会坐上巴士吹冷气了，现在热多一阵子也没关系。

抵达了目的地。

一边等着朋友准备，一边等着德士的到来。

德士来了。

司机的语气是急促的，急着催我们上车。他再次向我们确定共有4个人去。我傻了，没算错啊！的却是5个人去，怎么会少买一张票？难道有人另外买票？

摆乌龙不摆乌龙，巴士票也仅有4张。司机还说”这个时间全部的巴士票都卖光了，除非从怡保搭去……” 做决定的时间都不够，司机还不断地催促。那一刹那关键时刻是多么的紧逼，仿佛身处在时光机的门即将闭上的时刻，人家问你“快啊！你来还是不来？！”

当时只能选我或是另外个朋友放弃，你能想象那种“救我还是就她”那种情景。我就是那个“算了你救他吧”。当时也没想到什么……虽然心里自私点默默希望对方能说点什么，但也能谅解他也身处与我相似的情境。

也许是我装伟大，但我绝非要掏同情。这次可能倒霉了一点，但要是换做是我留下，要对方放弃，我心里也不会好受到哪里去。况且司机就这样丢下我叫我自己步行回家！换做是我那个朋友他就惨咯！他家可远多了~而且他可是司机上门载的！要他步行回去不如叫另一辆车载他回。

说教训也不对，只能说倒霉吧~下次希望会幸运一点咯 :)