A lot of things...well..some things, I would say, but significant things, happened within a week. I had the happiest time of my life since god knows when. I felt like I found a family and it's tearing me inside to think that such a happy thing couldn't last forever. At least not throughout my whole time here.
3,4 days ago, I was extremely...emotional...or depressed? for the reason mentioned above. At the same time, I do not deny the probability of the existence of some mental disorder, in such a way where you are left empty, nothing to do after a whole week of busy preparation. There's just nothing else and that feels like shit.
This was one turning point where I was forced to adapt a new environment. No more those busy days preparing the registration, opening ceremony etc. But luckily I have my family with me and I've never spent so much time hanging out outside in my life. But I guess it's the best way to kill away my time and the negative emotions. I felt much better at least, with them around <3 div="">
Grandpa left for heaven yesterday. I guess that was supposed to be another turning point in my life, but not for this week. The ironic thing is, I had cried so much watching Glee's tribute episode, thinking of Cory Monteith and my late grandma till I hated crying so much because it's like taking my soul away from me. And I have to go back for his funeral this Tuesday and....here we go again.
Now tomorrow is the first day of school with 4 continuous lecture class in front of me. The fact that saddens me is not just about facing the reality that I'm an accounting student and I need to work hard to get better results; but also going to school without my friends...and my family in uni. I even had to listen to Taylor Swift just to kill those dampening emotions.
Change is not also about time. About me.
I would say, changing for the better. I mean. at the end of the day, that's also the purpose that I'm joining this co-curricular activities. To make more friends, and to improve my communication skills. I was always told that I look serious. Well, to a certain extent, I agree to this statement. Maybe this is who I am but it's definitely not something I want. Life, it's not just about being yourself and do whatever you want boldly. Always identify the limit to it. That's what I learn with my PMP peeps. I agree what J said to a certain extent, just treat them like a friend. Talk to them like a friend and give a helping hand when they need it but without overdoing it. And try to feel appreciation and gratitution when someone is trying to be nice because those might be the best friends that you have.
Then do not be overly serious to jokes. Making fun of people doesn't ALWAYS mean bullying. Another thing I learn during this period is 玩得起。Not to get overly sensitive over some jokes that's making fun about you. Even if it might be offensive, let it go because it's not something on purpose. Learn to identify the difference with those done on purpose.
At some point, I took things a little more serious, not sure if this is just a female's instinct. I was affected by something else that's not really related to me, but because I took it slightly more serious and somehow it made me felt like it was my thing too. And therefore I resisted that person but till today then I realize it might be a little overboard. I was already influencing others, which I shouldn't. At the same time, I realized those who love to make fun of people unintentionally, never took this kind of itsy bitsy issues too seriously. In other words, they can still talk to those who they weren't too fond of like nothing happened.
Change can be daunting but exciting, depending on how you would perceive it. Change can be hard but good.
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