I can't think of any better word to describe this situation right now.
Till now, I still don't have the feeling that exams over. Maybe not forcing myself into studying, but rather the burden of the need to study is still clinging my soul. Haha! It should be a good thing I guess to a certain extent.
Just hours ago in the evening before the exams, I was very anxious and stressed out. I'm not gonna lie that I was scared. It's like, I know it will be a losing battle and I was fearful to face it. Imagine someone who knows that they are going to die in war but they still have to man up and tell themselves it's gonna be alright, everything will work out. That's....depressing actually.
When I get stressed, all my accumulated fears and worries starts flowing in eventually. One of it is the separation between us. We all know that that day will arrive one day, but just like me hours before the last exam, you still fear thought knowing what's waiting ahead of us. The saddest part is that, everything just passed so fast. Too fast.
For example Nicole, she might not be my closest friend, but she's certainly one of the nicest person I've ever encountered and I was glad that we could meet each other and being arranged to stay under the same roof. Those vague memories of our first encounter flow back to my head the moment after she bid us her last goodbye before she leave for US. That was right after we finish our exams. It was, well maybe not apparently, but at least for me it was a tough one. I admit I am quite a sentimental person, I like to be dramatic to a certain extend but this is real. I mean, I was saddened by the fact that we can't even have time to stay a little bit longer and speak a little bit more before leaving. Everything was so rushing. The way she says bye was so casual, as if she's coming back for another exam or something. No. The End. I mean we might meet each other someday but we'll never know when is that day. The feelings was so gushing and you have to handle all of it at once, which is suffocating. And the contradicting emotions when you are hyped with the fact that you're done with A levels and you are a free soul; but at the same time, you are faced with the fact that people who lives with you for a year is leaving us just like that.
I don't remember having such feelings back in high school. In fact, I remember in primary school, I even despised those who hug and cried for each other during the last day of school. But THAT was justifiable because my hometown is such a small place! Everyone virtually know each other and we are gonna meet someday because we still remain within the boundaries of my hometown. This time is different. We became closer because we lived together day and night. And people that we know comes from everywhere from in this world, in fact you'll never know where are they heading to after this is done.
Or maybe it's just me who learns how to appreciate more of people around me. I was a loner in primary school. I mean I have friends but to me friends doesn't mean much because they are just a helping hand when your family is not around. We are done once school's done. That used to be my definition of friends. After high school and after A levels, I start to appreciate more of my friends or housemates, I guess mainly because we endure our hardship together, we share our joy and tears with friends when our family aren't there for us.
I don't know what else to write about this anymore, it might sound very cheesy and I would be turning around the circles only so, yeah. I guess that's all. I still have 2 weeks here, I will have to decide my next step and yeah, after that I'll blog about those tiny bits of memories that built me up today into a different person. This school might not be the best choice after high school, but it was the best for me as an individual. I've learnt A LOT and I mean A LOT.
I purposely chose some heartfelt ballads to built up this sad emotion but failed xD STILL, shota shimizu has gotta be my favourite Japanese singer now, he gives me everything I want from music.
On Play-
forget me not
化粧
overflow
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